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| The reality of Cormac McCarthy's The Road The Road, Cormac McCarthy's powerful tale of a father and son surviving in a post-apocalypse world will resonate with many parents - but how authentic is it? John Crace imagines the realityI have no problem with the vision. Streatham High Road on a Saturday afternoon can make a fair claim to post-apocalyptic. It's the long walk of Cormac McCarthy's novel The Road I'm struggling with. Since when did any father and son go on an epic trek with so little moaning? Here's how the film would pan out in reality ...We're going for a long walk, Bob.Why aren't you using any speech marks, Dad?Because the prose is as bleak as the landscape.What a loser.Just get your coat.Can't you make Anna go with you?She's been vaporised in the holocaust.That's so unfair. It's her turn to go for a walk.Just get your bloody coat.Well, I'm not feeding the cats. I did it last time.Forget about the cats.But who's going to feed the cats?Just get your bloody coat.Can I take my bike?No you cannot take your sodding bike. We're in the middle of a nuclear winter. You'll skid all over the place. Now, for the last time, put your bloody coat on.Can we go in the car, then?An icy wind blows outside, lifting the dull grey dust that coats the pavement into our eyes.I'm cold, says Bob.I told you to put your coat on.Can we go back and get it?OK, but wipe your feet on the mat. We don't want that dust in the house. I said, wipe your feet on the bloody mat.The false start is over. This time we get to the end of the road. Or is it The Road? Past burned-out houses. Burned-out cars.I'm bored, says Bob.We haven't gone anywhere yet.Well, I'm still bored. Can I bring a friend?You can't. They're all dead.No they're not. Donny was on Facebook half an hour ago.I don't care. This is a father-son bonding kind of thing.Not another one. Is it going to last long?A tree cracks. A branch falls to the ground. Broken corpses lie scattered.Are we nearly there yet? Bob asks.Of course we're not there yet, you moron. We've only just left the house.Well, I'm tired. Can we go to the cafe?Don't be ridiculous. What don't you get? We're in the middle of a disaster movie. There are no cafes open.But if there are, can we go to one?Fires burst out spontaneously. And go out. Grey turns to red. Turns to black. A few mutants huddle under flickering neon.Are they paedophiles, Dad?No. They are not paedophiles.What is a paedophile? Bob sniggers.I'll tell you later.What are they doing to that baby?They're roasting it on a spit.Cool. That's well sick. Take a picture of it on your mobile.Voices raised. A clash of metal. A rattle of gunfire.Can I have a gun, Dad?Oh, don't start that one again.Not even a BB gun?No.Dave's got a BB gun.Tough.I hate you.A lone car coughs in the distance. Before dying. Twisted steel, shattered glass. A canine howl tears the air.Can we have a dog?No.How about a ferret, then?No.Will there be a TV where we're going?No.Then I want to go home.There's no TV.But I've got a whole load of stuff recorded on Sky+.Onwards. Past the looted 99p store. Past the post office that was closed long before the Chill. Towards the bus garage.Let's get the bus.There are no ...I'm going to kill you, Dad.Too late.The Road is out now at cinemas nationwideFamilyCormac McCarthyViggo MortensenJohn Craceguardian.co.uk © Guardian News & Media Limited 2010 | Use of this content is subject to our Terms & Conditions | More Feeds guardian.co.uk |
Star's privates scalded in movie mishap HOLLYWOOD hunk tells of "suffocating pain" after enduring severe burns to his genitals. news.com.au |
Piper hates own feet Billie Piper uses a foot double. breakingnews.ie |
Amy Winehouse guilty of theatre assault AMY Winehouse admits to assaulting a theatre manager during an adaptation of Cinderella. news.com.au |
John Travolta flies Scientologists' aid to Haiti Actor flies his own Boeing 707 to Port-au-Prince laden with supplies to bolster US-based group's disaster relief effortJohn Travolta piloted a plane laden with aid supplies and Scientologists to Haiti today to bolster the US-based group's disaster relief effort.The actor and leading Scientologist flew his own Boeing 707 to the capital, Port-au-Prince, shortly before US troops pulled a 35-year-old man alive from the rubble of a collapsed building in Port-au-Prince. The man, saved two weeks after the earthquake was taken to hospital. Witnesses said he appeared to have few injuries.Travolta's aid delivery, including six tonnes of ready-to-eat military rations and medical supplies, came as impatience with food distribution sparked a small riot in front of the national palace and President René Préval announced he would move into a tent in solidarity with hundreds of thousands left homeless by the quake.Aid continued building up at the airport with planes and helicopters landing and departing every few minutes. The jumble of troops, aid workers, rescue teams and UN staff turned even more eclectic with the overnight arrival of Travolta.The actor, who has a pilot's licence, flew from Florida accompanied with his wife, Kelly Preston. He compared the mission to their visit to New Orleans after hurricane Katrina. "We have the ability to help make a difference in the situation in Haiti," he said.There is a backlog of at least 800 aircraft awaiting permission to land at the overloaded airport, which can handle just 130 flights daily, prompting recriminations from some aid agenciesThe Church of Scientology has dispatched "volunteer ministers" in yellow T-shirts to other disasters, including September 11. They use a process called "assist" in which the power of touch purportedly reconnects nervous systems shaken by trauma. Since last week several hundred have fanned across Port-au-Prince. "Our volunteers are coming from all over. From Puerto Rico, Mexico, the US, everywhere," said Frank Suarez, from Puerto Rico, as colleagues set up a camp at a gymnasium. "The need is huge here."The group, which critics say is a cult peddling quack treatments, has received a mixed reaction to the light "touching", through clothing and bandages, of fractures and infection."All the patients are happy with the technique," a volunteer named only as Silvie told AFP. "But some doctors don't like the yellow T-shirts. It's a colour thing."One US doctor, who declined to be named, said it was more a credibility thing. "I didn't know touching could heal gangrene."An Oxfam spokesperson said: "All aid agencies need to co-ordinate and ensure help that is given reaches benchmark standards and follow best practice." Delays continued to hamper the response to a disaster which, according to the Haitian government, has killed more than 150,000 and left 3 million needing aid.Only 10,000 of a needed 200,000 tents have arrived, leaving many to shelter under grubby sheets in settlement camps. The president, who lost his home in the quake, said he would move into a tent on the lawn of the collapsed national palace.A daily handout of rice and soy oil in front of the palace degenerated into chaos on Monday when 4,000 people overwhelmed Uruguayan UN troops in charge of the distribution."Whatever we do, it doesn't matter – they are animals," one soldier, who declined to be named, cried in Spanish, as he tried to hold back the crowd with a shield.The troops, who did not speak French or Creole, waved pepper spray and fired rubber bullets in the air from atop an armoured vehicle.They carried off a pregnant woman who vomited and collapsed amid the chaos. After the troops had withdrawn, the crowd jostled over 50 rice sacks left behind. Those too slow or weak for the struggle were left to pick up the remaining rice grains from the street. Rory Carroll, Port-au-PrinceHaitiJohn TravoltaScientologyUnited StatesRory Carrollguardian.co.uk © Guardian News & Media Limited 2010 | Use of this content is subject to our Terms & Conditions | More Feeds guardian.co.uk |