| Glee star's surprise nude TV spot GLEE star Jane Lynch, the sharp and sarcastic cheerleading coach, stripped naked on TV. news.com.au |
Who are the most unlikely screen couple? We asked you to suggest the most mismatched lovers in cinema. Here are some of the best gruesome twosomes@DukeLuke Steve Martin and the Brain in The Man With Two Brains. He falls in love with a brain in a jar. It doesn't get much odder than that.@dukemedia Professional cockney urchin Danny Dyer and one-time X-Files star and FHM's sexiest woman Gillian Anderson in ill-fated British revenge thriller Straightheads.@Hows, @filmcat, @Fantaxamus, @ontheroad29, @catburgler, @theythinkitsallover Ruth Gordon and Bud Cort in Harold and Maude.@carrion4891 Shia LaBeouf and Megan Fox in Transformers 1 and 2 – he'd never get her.@Victoriatheoldgoth Most French films pair an extraordinarily beautiful woman with an absolute gargoyle.@fishworld Nicole Kidman and Tom Cruise in Eyes Wide Shut. Has all the tension and compelling reality of a disposable in-flight magazine. Double points because they actually were a couple.@breakingranks Thora Birch and Steve Buscemi in Ghost World.@AnomieAndBonhomie Roger Moore and Grace Jones in A View To A Kill. She's huge, he's 57.@albert23 Dazzling film (and great dancing at his age) but Audrey Hepburn and Fred Astaire in Funny Face is a difficult one to believe.@54onthefloor Kip and Lafawnduh in Napoleon Dynamite.@Rence Sean Connery and Catherine Zeta Jones.@paddyboro Vincent Gallo and Christina Ricci in Buffalo 66.@rolandb Jeremy Irons and Juliette Binoche in Louis Malle's Damage showed a startling lack of chemistry.@nilpferd Possibly contentious, but I always found Grace Kelly's prim society dame and James Stewart's not-quite-convincing, hard-boiled slob of an action photographer completely mismatched in Rear Window. Though I think Hitchcock intended it that way.@LaTricoteuse Brando and Schneider in Last Tango in Paris.@daniellearwicker Rex Harrison and Elizabeth Taylor – first half of Cleopatra (and yet far more watchable than her and Burton in the second half, even though they were having an affair off screen).@reddog100 Angelina Jolie and Johnny Depp in The Tourist ... the trailer alone is enough to make one swear off fantasies involving gorgeous strangers!@DanAshcroft Hot-as-hell Sophia Myles with Jamie Bell in Hallam Foe (he plays a odd character who wears a dead badger on his head).@Milo2010 Jack Black and Kate Winslet in The Holiday.@EmmyS Roger Rabbit and Jessica Rabbit ... interspecies tomfoolery with a spangly red dress.@BadBoyBubby68 Am I bringing the tone down if I say Donkey and the dragon in Shrek? It just brings horrific graphic images to mind – and they breed!@Londontoffee Philip Seymour Hoffman and Marisa Tomei in Before the Devil Knows You're Dead.@piltrafilla Harry Dean Stanton and Nastassja Kinski in Paris, Texas. Although, that didn't ruin my enjoyment of it one jot. Beautiful film.@bruthead Ricky Gervais and Jennifer Garner in Invention of Lying. Never seen less screen chemistry.@charliekaufman Emma Thompson and Dustin Hoffman in Last Chance Harvey. Awful, awful.@Bowfinger Vin Diesel and anything made of flesh and bone.@Slabface Kirk Douglas and Farrah Fawcett in Saturn 3. Only couple as bad in movie history is Harvey Keitel and his really cheap-looking robot in the same woefully awful film.@NonOxbridgeColumnist John Cleese and Jamie Lee Curtis (A Fish Called Wanda). A tribute to both that they almost make it convincing.Romanceguardian.co.uk © Guardian News & Media Limited 2010 | Use of this content is subject to our Terms & Conditions | More Feeds guardian.co.uk |
Joe Queenan's guide to arthouse cliches The ideal arthouse film is set in a part of the world few of us know and even fewer intend to visit. The steppes of Central Asia or a forlorn village in Central America are fine, but rural Slovakia will do in an emergency. The arthouse film should make us feel that we understand the world better than we do, even though we don't. It should give us a sense of moral and intellectual superiority over people who go to see Tom Cruise movies. It should star Tilda Swinton, or seem like a film in which she would be likely to appear. It should be a bit grainy. Gypsies, often in distress, may be in the mix, but generally not the Amish. Ideally, a proper arthouse film should have mangled subtitles. Children should be abandoned, or on a long trip over the mountains, or trying to recover lost shoes, or sneaking scraps from the dinner table to a man they believe to be Frankenstein. Anything about Balzac is great. Ideally, the cast should include Parker Posey, Daniel Auteuil, Lili Taylor, Hope Davis, Steve Buscemi, the 2004 winner of Argentina's Cesar for best supporting actor, and Joan Plowright.The principals in an arthouse movie should include a creepy loner who collects weird things: gynaecological instruments, a stool rescued from a bathroom once used by Abba, that sort of thing. The protagonist may be an opera buff or a train engineer fast approaching retirement or a buttoned-down Swedish time-management expert assigned to monitor the comings and goings of single, self-sufficient Norwegian males. They may have trouble breathing and need a respirator. They may be a taxidermist or a watchmaker or an Italian language student. They will not be a recent Harvard graduate seeking a job at Vanity Fair or a starting point guard for the Los Angeles Lakers. Sexually unfulfilled musicians are a fixture in arthouse films, particularly pianists. So are congenitally miserable Scandinavians and emotionally repressed Japanese. A proper arthouse film will often have an exotic animal, such as a dromedary or a yak, and it will sometimes feature a chatty dwarf who is wise beyond his years. Quite often the dwarf will be a bit cheeky. The Legend of the Cheeky Dwarf would actually make a very fine title for an arthouse film. It's surprising no one has yet tried it.Arthouse films rarely have a feelgood quality. They may make us feel smarter or more wise in the ways of the world, but they rarely make us feel happy. If a little Jewish boy befriends a vicious anti-semite in the waning days of the second world war, the film will not end happily. If a little Afghan girl pretends to be a boy to avoid the Taliban, it will not end happily. If the movie is set in equatorial Africa or Northern Ireland, it will not end happily. If a Danish handyman reluctantly agrees to marry the daughter of the Chinese restaurateur who lives directly across the street in exchange for free meals, it will not end happily. The only arthouse movies that end happily are the ones with the yaks. No one knows why.The arthouse film is not interchangeable with the foreign film. Many excellent foreign films are merely commercial films that happen to be in a foreign language. A basic rule of thumb: if Jean Reno stars in a film, it is not an arthouse film. If Penelope Cruz is speaking English on screen, it is not an arthouse film. If she is speaking Spanish, it almost certainly is. There are a few examples of arthouse films that include martial arts – Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon – but not many. In fact, that may be the only one.Typically, an arthouse film has an intrusive, overbearing soundtrack that won't give the audience a chance to relax for one second. Often these films are scored by the remorseless minimalist Philip Glass, whose music is at least as annoying as anything that takes place on screen. Integral components of a good arthouse film are a song or two by Leonard Cohen, Björk, tango master Astor Piazzolla and perhaps something introspective by Bach, though Albinoni will do in a pinch. You will rarely hear Slade or the Four Seasons or Wham! in an arthouse film. You are unlikely to hear Mariah Carey. And if you do, the director is being malevolently ironic.Not all arthouse films contain the same components, but certain elements almost never occur outside of the genre. If there is a yurt in the motion picture, it is probably an arthouse film. If the director acted as his own editor, it is an arthouse movie. If an old man sets out on a long trip atop a reconditioned lawn mower to visit the brother he has not seen in 20 years, it is probably an arthouse film. If Tom Waits is involved in a film in any way, it is an arthouse film. That is equally true of David Byrne.There are several things that must occur in an arthouse film in order for it to work. There should be a long train ride. There should be an anonymous letter or a diary no one was supposed to read. At some point the main character must visit his mother in a nursing home. The mother may smile, but she must not speak. That would ruin everything. Arthouse movies are often set in the waning days of the Raj. They frequently star accomplished English actresses of a certain age who look a bit shopworn. These women are checking into a hotel to die or consorting with quirky expats in some florid fascist country or maintaining a stiff upper lip in Lahore. Arthouse movies frequently have twee names like Io Sono l'Amore and Mrs Palfrey at the Claremont and Tea With Mussolini and Miss Pettigrew Lives for a Day. That's how moviegoers can tell in advance that Bruce Willis isn't in them.The classic cliched arthouse movie: BreathlessArthouse is the home of the cult film, and Breathless is the cult film par excellence. It is a daunting mĂ©lange of classic cliches derived from American hard-boiled movies of the 40s and 50s, and magnificent new cliches invented by director Jean-Luc Godard. It is a film about a cop killer who has taken it on the lam. It is a film about betrayal. It is a film about a love affair that could never be. It is a film with a long, drawn-out death scene. It is a film in which everybody smokes. It is a film shot with a hand-held camera. It is a film made on the cheap and, crucially, it is shot in black and white.The abrupt, arbitrary cuts between scenes that have become such a feature of arthouse films are derived from Breathless. So is the technique of having a character in a film speak directly to the audience. The listlessness, the anomie, the feeling that life makes no sense are classic arthouse cliches inaugurated by Breathless. So is the confusing ending. But the single most important arthouse cliche one associates with the film is also the most obvious one: the film is set in France. Not even Kurosawa or Bergman could match that kind of heavy artillery.DramaWorld cinemaJoe Queenanguardian.co.uk © Guardian News & Media Limited 2010 | Use of this content is subject to our Terms & Conditions | More Feeds guardian.co.uk |
The gonzo guide to Aspen Writer Hunter S Thompson, the king of gonzo journalism, was not a skier, so why did he choose to live in Aspen?Hunter S Thompson went skiing only once, even though he spent almost four decades living up the road from some of the most highly rated ski terrain on the planet. Tim Mooney, his old friend, grins as he recounts the day. "Most of his friends skied, so they decided to take him to the top of Aspen mountain and push him off. He made three 40mph crashes and never went back. He wouldn't have wanted it any other way – none of this 'go to Buttermilk [a beginners' resort nearby] and learn' nonsense."This was, after all, the man who once said: "At the top of the mountain, we are all snow leopards."It's almost six years since the king of gonzo journalism took his own life at Owl Farm, his ranch at Woody Creek, seven miles from Aspen, Colorado. I'm here to get some stories about Thompson and see how much of the countercultural spirit he so embodied lives on among the fur-clad A-listers. Mooney used to work behind the J-Bar at the Hotel Jerome in the early 1970s. Aspen's oldest hotel, it was one of Thompson's haunts, and its Victorian-style marble floors and tin roof remain."Every day Hunter would go to the post office and be at the J-Bar at noon," says Mooney. "He divided his mail into three piles – bills, fan mail and periodicals. Then he'd order his food and drinks for the whole day and line it up next to the piles. So for the first pile he'd have eggs, bacon, coffee, toast and a Bloody Mary, then a cheeseburger, fries and bottle of beer, and then pasta and a bottle of red wine."Mooney acted as a gatekeeper between Thompson and his fans. "All kinds of people, like Jack Nicholson, and Jimmy Buffett the singer, would come in and want to meet Hunter, and I'd go ask if he wanted to meet them."The hotel pool often figured in their partying, and one night John Belushi nearly drowned after Thompson threw him in, having first duct-taped him to a sun-lounger, of course. In 1970 when Thompson ran for town sheriff, the J-Bar was his campaign HQ. He almost won with a manifesto that included legalising drugs (though he promised not to take mescaline on duty), promoting environmental issues and renaming Aspen "Fat City" to prevent "Greedheads, land-rapers and other human jackals from capitalising on the name Aspen". He wanted to replace the pavements with dirt, and one wonders what he would have made of the modern-day heated sidewalks.The Grand Ballroom at the Hotel Jerome was the setting for the first of Thompson's two funerals. The second saw his ashes blasted from a cannon, paid for by Johnny Depp, into the canyon behind his ranch. His wife Anita still lives there and is to start hosting lectures in the "war room", where Thompson wrote Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas. She doesn't welcome uninvited guests, although, unlike Thompson, she is unlikely to warn them off with a shotgun.Bob Braudis has been Aspen's sheriff since 1986, and he was a foot soldier on Thompson's 1970 campaign. In his office, he has the iconic Tom Benton "Thompson for sheriff" poster. I ask him what attracted Thompson to Aspen. "In the late 1960s, Aspen was where intellectuals came to drop out. Hunter liked that there was a high number of highly educated people here – people who could have been bankers and lawyers, but dropped out and came here to be ski bums, as I did."When I'd asked Mooney the same question, he'd said: "He knew the Aspen Institute was here, and the physicist George Stranahan, the Hotel Jerome and the Wheeler Opera House, all the things left over from the silver mining era that gave a certain dignity to this Colorado town. In Leadville or Breckenridge you could see the heritage but once you got to Aspen you could smell the funkiness. He smelled the greatness of this valley and saw that it was a garden spot with beautiful weather and a rock'n'roll mentality."How different Aspen is today – it's one of the world's glitziest, most expensive ski resorts. Last winter the average house price in Aspen was $4.3m (ÂŁ2.6m) and the place oozes so much wealth that it's hard to find the idea of a lingering countercultural spirit plausible, let alone visible. But if you look hard enough it's there: just follow the locals.You can find it at the Grateful Deli, where you can order a "magic mushroom burger". And at the Poppies Bistro Cafe, where Thompson and Anita often dined, and at the Explore bookshop and (excellent) veggie restaurant, where she's still a regular. It's also at the Isis Theatre, the Wheeler Opera House, Aspen Art Museum and the Aspen Writers' Foundation.And it's at the many well-tended shrines hidden in the woods around the ski slopes. Elvis, Marilyn Monroe, Jerry Garcia, the Beatles and Jimi Hendrix are all honoured at Aspen mountain. Thompson's shrine at Snowmass was created on 20 February 2006, exactly a year after his death. It features a US flag, Tibetan prayer flags, Rolling Stone magazine covers adorned with his face, a basket of his writings, and a bottle of Chivas Regal, his favourite whisky.I also found that spirit at Highlands mountain. It was the only mountain in the area not originally under the umbrella of the Aspen Ski Company, and so became the cheaper place for locals to ski. It hasn't been independent since 1993 but it still has a different vibe – music pumps out from lift stations. The terrain suits intermediates and experts, and the Highland Bowl is a firm favourite. Getting there involves a 40-minute hike along a ridge before you drop into a steep bowl.Finally, the best place to soak up some counterculture and pay homage to Thompson is his former drinking den, the Woody Creek Tavern. A short drive from Aspen down the windy roads where he used to race motorbikes, it's next to a trailer park and couldn't be further removed from the glamour of Aspen. The walls are like a scrapbook, with thousands of photos and press clippings about local residents, in particular Thompson. Our drinks order was ignored and we were served the strongest margaritas we'd ever tasted. The locals were happy to relate their Thompson stories, and the rounds came thick and fast. The night ended, appropriately, in a blur.• Ski Independence (0131-243 8097, ski-i.com) offers seven nights' B&B at the Limelight Lodge, including flights to Denver and transfers, from ÂŁ1,075, based on an early December departure, with 10% discount on bookings before 1 December. Fly with BA (0844 493 0787, ba.com) from Heathrow to Denver International Airport. Colorado Mountain Express (+1 970 926 9800, ridecme.com) has a shuttle service between Denver International Airport and Aspen/SnowmassSam Haddad is the editor of Cooler (coolermag.com), a board sports and style magazine for womenSkiingColoradoHunter S ThompsonUnited StatesNorth and Central AmericaWinter sportsJack Nicholsonguardian.co.uk © Guardian News & Media Limited 2010 | Use of this content is subject to our Terms & Conditions | More Feeds guardian.co.uk |
Maurice Murphy obituary Top British orchestral trumpeter with the LSO, he played on the Star Wars filmsMaurice Murphy, who has died aged 75, was the leading British orchestral trumpet player of his generation. During the 30 years in which he was principal trumpet with the London Symphony Orchestra (LSO), he defined the sound of the brass section with the clarity, precision and diamond-sharp brilliance of his playing. In the concert hall he was an inspiration and could lift the orchestra with his exhilarating, visceral sound.Millions more thrilled to the ringing top Cs he played on the soundtracks for the Star Wars films. The blazing sonority of the brass section led by Murphy was the aural equivalent of spinning through space. For the composer of the scores, John Williams, Murphy was a "heraldic spirit" whose instrument articulated "the ideal voice of a hero". After the first Star Wars film, Williams wrote the subsequent scores with Murphy's sound in mind.Although he was born in Hammersmith, west London, Murphy's family was rooted in the northern mining community. His father drove a coal wagon. When Maurice was four, the family moved back north. Two years later, encouraged by his father, a cornet player, he joined a Salvation Army band in County Durham. By his early teens he had won several competitions and made an appearance on the television show Opportunity Knocks.In 1956 he became principal cornet with the celebrated Black Dyke Mills Band, though during his five years in the post he broadened his experience by taking work with symphony orchestras (notably the HallĂ© and the Royal Liverpool Philharmonic), dance bands and in theatre and pantomime. Although he had received no formal conservatoire training, he was rapidly acquiring a reputation for excellence. In 1961 he was appointed principal trumpet with the BBC Northern Symphony Orchestra (later the BBC Philharmonic).His down-to-earth manner and distrust of pretension are demonstrated in an anecdote from these years. On the podium was Meredith Davies, rehearsing a symphony by Robert Simpson. Addressing the brass section, Davies at one point complained: "Oh trumpets, that's much too gothic, I need it more Renaissance." In an audible stage whisper to Barry Collarbone, his second trumpet, Murphy asked: "Is he talking to us?" Collarbone replied in the affirmative. "Well, if he talks to us like that again, I'm gonna shoot the fucker!"The rehearsal proceeded, but half an hour later Davies ventured another criticism: "Oh trumpets, it's too Rembrandt, I need it more Renoir." Murphy calmly opened his trumpet case and produced a replica Colt 45 revolver that sounded like the genuine article. He "shot" the conductor and there was no further talk of Rembrandt.From 1974 to 1977, Murphy was a professor at the Royal Northern College of Music, but as a natural player, he found it difficult to communicate matters of technique to his pupils. He claimed he was "no good as a teacher".From the BBC Northern, he moved in 1977 to the LSO as principal trumpet, bringing a new sound and energy that were to help transform its reputation. An important and lucrative aspect of the orchestra's schedule was its film work, and as well as Star Wars, he can be heard on the soundtracks for Superman, Raiders of the Lost Ark, Batman, the Alien movies and Gladiator.On the concert platform he accomplished taxing solos such as the one that opens Gustav Mahler's Fifth Symphony. The top Cs and above of the big Richard Strauss scores and of Olivier Messiaen's TurangalĂ®la Symphony were projected with unfailing expertise. There were times when the blistering intensity and volume of the LSO brass section threatened to overwhelm the contributions of other departments; Georg Solti was one conductor who protested, though not to the man himself, that he played too loudly. But in later years, the best performances did not unbalance the whole.Murphy had a genuine humility – "I'm just another trumpet player who's been very lucky," he used to say – coupled with a generosity and concern for colleagues that endeared him to all. It was in part to help out a fellow section member recovering from major surgery that, after his official retirement in 2000, he returned to the orchestra. He ended up staying for another seven years, electing to appear for the last time as principal trumpet in a performance of Edward Elgar's The Dream of Gerontius on 3 June 2007 under Richard Hickox.While other trumpeters of his generation staked their claims to fame as concerto soloists or in lecture– demonstrations of their instrument, Murphy was content to make his contribution from the back of the orchestra. In 2008 he received the honorary award of the International Trumpet Guild, and in 2010 he was appointed MBE.He is survived by his wife, Shirley, and his son, Martin.• Maurice Murphy, trumpeter, born 7 August 1935; died 28 October 2010Classical musicStar WarsLondonBBCBarry Millingtonguardian.co.uk © Guardian News & Media Limited 2010 | Use of this content is subject to our Terms & Conditions | More Feeds guardian.co.uk |